Smile
by eenayde
Summary: Misa's smile was always the most beautiful, the most radiant, most pure — but honestly? Smiles are just for hidden pain. [Onesided Misa/Light, implied L/Light]


Misa's smile was, and always had been, blinding.

There were no metaphors involved when she beamed. Her smile was innocent and childish, yet kind.

Her mother had always said: "Misa, ya know, girl, that smirk o' yours will frighten all the boys away."

It was only half true. All the boys she'd met loved it. But the one she loved didn't.

_["Your smile is like a ray of sun, miss."]_

It was the source of her endless compliments. Once she smiled, that big, wide, beautiful, smile, everyone fainted at her feet. They were always telling her how chaste, and sweet, and pure she was.

Maybe it was her smile that brought her to success. Her smile certainly did many things for her. If she was in a financial crisis, she'd just flash a grin and her salary was suddenly doubled. When she was scolded for getting lost during a school trip, and making the whole year wait while the teachers searched for her, she smiled and the ordeal was just forgotten. Well, mostly forgotten. Her parents seemed immune to the charm.

She'd loved her parents. Any child would. But Misa she loved them so much more than any random kid. The thing was: she loved to love others. So she loved her friends like her sisters, her best friends like her parents — and she loved her parents even more.

When her parents died, she was devastated. Any child would be. But because she'd loved them more, it hurt more, too.

It hurt so bad.

And then, he — the horrible, horrible man — had been judged.

Kira was her God, her salvation, her friend, her leader, her ruler, her true love.

Her Light.

To her, anyway. She knew he wasn't blinded by her charisma. He was too smart for that. His eyes stayed steely and cold, even when a warm smile lit up her face. He didn't _smile_.

He'd probably just find a replacement for her, if she died. The only reason he kept her around was for the eyes. To have the eyes, Misa learned, was to have power over Light. She could walk all over him right now, threaten him, enslave him, and he'd do anothing she asked, for the power of the eyes. But she would never do that. Not to God. Just thinking about it was a sin...!

She knew, somewhere, hidden in the corner of her mind, that Light didn't love her.

But she wanted him too. Her gut clenched at the mere thought of him not returning her affections.

So, she convinced herself that he did, and it was all _fine_, and they would _love each other forever,_ and they were a _happy couple_ in a _happy relationship. _But still, he never smiled for her. Not even once.

Then it shattered. The mirage, formed by her own mind to help bear the pain, splintered into shards, leaving the disgusting, bland truth behind. And actually, now, that _would've_ been fine.

_[If it weren't for...]_

Light was God. Why would he love _her_? He had the whole world to take care of.

And then, Misa noticed (it was in the corner of her eye at first, but when she snapped her head to look at it, it was there, truly and wholly there): something so startling, breathtaking, pure, amazing, unfathomable...!

Light smiled.

_[A smile, that wasn't full of deceit and lies, pain and anger, humiliation and sin...]_

Light wasn't even looking at her.

The realisation hit Misa, hard, and she bowed her head in sadness. Her gaze flitted from Light to the man next to her.

But the man next to her had _his_ love.

She almost hissed in emotion. Pain. Anger. Fear.

...Even doubt.

The gargoyle grinned back, teaspoon between his lips.

Light's eyes were mellow. _Soft._

Misa left the room. She couldn't stand it. Their beatitude seemed to mock her grief. The room seemed to be infested with it.

Her fast, anxious steps led her to the front door. Breathing in the crisp air, Mis's head lessened in it's pounding. Goosebumps crawled over her bare arms.

Even simply standing on the front stairs to a building got her looks of awe and recognition.

She smiled back at everyone. Except this time, the smile was different. It was more aged. More mature. Tainted.

And as she smiled, the blinding grin she always did, she blinked away the tears brimming at her eyes, that seemed to be whispering a warning that they could easily cascade down her face, as an act of her pain.

_Just smile, Misa-Misa! Smile, and all the pain'll fade away... _

But the memory of Light's smile never did.

_Just smile... Misa..._

* * *

:)


End file.
